Somebody STOP me!

Stop me from killing myself!

I have 4 final exams, starting on this sat, and two of them will be on Monday grr. but i still have a lab report due tmr and a take-home final exam due fri, both of which are not completed yet! which means, it's wed night now, but i have NOT studied for the exams at all, yet!

it's study break since monday. my entire house of singaporeans are mugging damn hard day and night (except for occasional moments when they fall to the Dark side - DOTA), but i am absolutely distracted by self-created distractions (such as online shopping, my expenditures, recipes, future courses etc) and i dun seem to be motivated to start working hard AT ALL. i shifted all my lab notebook and laptop and stuff all the way uphill to the chem major comp lab for two consecutive days, hoping my smart and motivated chem classmates will have some positive effect on me, but my efficiency has not improved yet!!

though i have gone through my worst period of 'burnt-out' state (where i will just cry uncontrollably whenever i think that at this current undisciplined and unmotivated state i might as well go and die) so i am not feeling particularly suicidal now but i still am very frustrated with my current state: i am panicking at the fact that i am not panicking during a period when i usually and normally will be panicking! this is just NOT the normal sarah hiong, seriously!!! my grades for all my courses this semester are not that bad either, but if i dun pick myself up in time i am going to screw up my final grade and erase all my earlier efforts! :(:(

and my self-created distraction for the night: my Japanese teacher just posted our average daily grade and final oral exam grades online. My average daily grade is on a steady decline and my oral exam grade is simply disgusting compared to my classmates. for all the effort and time i put in every day, the fact that the more i speak the more i can't speak fluently totally depresses me. GRRRRRR

this is such a tormenting semester that i feel like i can trade this semester for going through 2 yrs of rjc/a levels again - yes, i nv thought i would ever say i want to sit thru jc again so it's really that bad!

not even reminding myself that "everything is going to end in just one week's time" or "winter break and london will be here soon" helps. nothing helps! :(:(:( maybe only studying together with 6a helps.....:|